“The best thing to hold onto in life is each other.”-Anne Zadra

My name is Su’ad Ghazal. In some countries around the world, I am still considered a child because I am only 17. I was arrested by the Israeli authorities on December 13, 1998 because I allegedly attempted to stab an illegal Israeli settler from the Shfi Shamron settlement.

I was originally arrested when I was 15 and for the next 2 years, I was held inside the women’s section of Neve Fertze (Ramle) prison. I am from the Sebastia village near Nablus, Palestine. During my period of detention without trial, I have suffered severe violations of all my rights, first and foremost as a human being and second as a child. I have suffered unspeakable physical torture that even the strongest of men could not have endured and to break me even further, I have undergone extensive psychological torture. My initiation into prison began with my being held in solitary confinement the first 17 days of my detention.

In the initial phase of my imprisonment, none of my family members were allowed to visit me and of course, I had no legal representation at all. Denying me visits from my family and the right to confer with a lawyer is a violation of International law.

But it is not just International law that has been violated. It is not just my body that bears the scars of the cruelest kind of physical torture, or my mind that has been traumatically changed because of brutal psychological torture, but the fact that any person could be as cruel as to try to take away the child in me, to destroy me as a human being, to insult me, to try to take away my dignity and to erase my identity forever is a violation of all that is decent and right.

On day one of my detention I was told, “Now you are all alone and no one can help you,” and “we will make you regret the day you were born.”

These words were the only words of truth I heard from my Israeli torturers. I was all alone in the world and when I screamed out in agony, the world was deafened to my cries. Since the day of my detention, I have regretted the day I was born and every day that followed. Only death will set me free.

I try hard not to let what is happening to me harden me. I am the Palestinian Anne Frank and Israeli Hitlers who are all around me, take pleasure in torturing me. But I have no paper in which to keep a diary and no one to read whatever I might want to write. How any human being could take pleasure in giving pain to others is beyond me. If I were an animal, someone’s pet cat or dog for example, and abused a fraction of the abuse I suffer, animal lovers the world over would be outraged. But I am in Palestine, my childhood has been abruptly stolen from me, and nothing remains but my torture and nightmares where I revisit the same barbaric treatment over and over again.

On January 21, 2001, two important verdicts were issued in Israeli courts. The first concerned me. I was sentenced to 6 ˝ years in prison and after that, 8 years of probation for the charge of trying to stab an Israeli settler.

The second sentence passed on this same day was that of Nahum Korman, who is another illegal settler. Korman was sentenced to 6 months of community service and fined for brutally murdering a 10-year-old Palestinian boy, Hilmi Shawasheh in 1996.

The Jerusalem district court stated a plea-bargain was reached with Korman because the Jerusalem District Court Judge Ruth Orr said he did not mean to kill Hilmi and that Korman had already served 8 months in prison prior to the trial.

Three doctors examined me before my court hearing and told the court that due to my physical condition and the trauma I have undergone, I was not well enough to stand trial. But their analysis of my mental and physical condition went unheeded. If I pled that I did not mean to try to stab the Israeli settler, no would have listened or cared.

Korman grabbed little Hilmi, kicked him to the ground, stepped on his neck with his boot and then beat the child on the head with a pistol butt. Hilmi died in a hospital the next day without ever waking up.

If Korman had been convicted of murder, he would have faced a prison sentence of up to 20 years. But Hilmi was a Palestinian child so Korman will probably be decorated with a medal of honor for his evil deed. Oh, I forgot to mention that Korman was fined the equivalent of $17,000, a fee that probably will be paid by the US government or ignored completely.

No, the situation for minors does not look good, especially since the intensified campaign by the Israelis against children continues. More than a hundred children have been killed, thousands have been injured and over 250 are currently being detained.

My very harsh verdict and Korman’s very lenient one demonstrate beyond a doubt the fact that Palestinian children have no rights and that all Palestinian lives have no value. I long for the day when Palestinian children will have the luxury of just being children. I long for the day when all Palestinian lives will be valued. Though I am guilty of no crime, all the crimes in the world have been committed against me. But remember, my Israeli tormentors are hostages of the offenses they perpetrate against me.